The Germ Exchange

Riding the bus you become a retailer and a consumer of all things infectious. I never understood how it came about that so many people had colds and flues so much of the time; I felt misfortuned should I experience a sniffle more than annually. Now, a professional bus rider/courtesy seat policer, I am constantly at odds with my general health.

Every time you get on a bus there is what I refer to as, “the bartering process”.

“I see your lung infection and I raise you influenza. No? Ok, ok…influenza AND the remnants of fecal matter left on my hands from not washing properly,…I thought so….deal!”

After the bartering process has been completed there is, “the exchange”. This happens when the bus driver, going 60kph realizes he is about to miss the next stop and makes a quick move for the breaks. You both lose your grip on the pole that is helping you keep your balance and fly forward. After peeling yourself off the smelly backpack of the person in front of you to re-grip, you simply trade places on the pole, which is still holding your foggy palm prints on its shiny metal. You both nod, acknowledging the exchange, and then one of you pulls the, “stop request” string hung like garland across both sides of the bus. This my friends concludes the germ exchange.